her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
