My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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