closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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