I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
