this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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