Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
