Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
