If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
