so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
