When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
