At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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