Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
