The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
