Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
