i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
