I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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