Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
