so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
