remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
