Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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