someone get that fucking seahorse.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
