we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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