I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
