woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
