Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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