You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it was like eating out sand paper
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
