Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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