fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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