They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Congratulations! We have a period
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
