That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
