you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
