Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.

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(903): View more from Texas

I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

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(830): View more from Texas

Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.

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(207): View more from Maine

It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader

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(719): View more from Colorado

And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Our lives are a motherfucking joke

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(310): View more from California

I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland

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