The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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