I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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