i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
