when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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