Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
