The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
