I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
