You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
