Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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