good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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