Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
