i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
