you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Everclear isn't food dammit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
