YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you traded sex for a burrito?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
