I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
