I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
