i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
