i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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