It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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