I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
