1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
