I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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