I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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