She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize