Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
