there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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