if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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