Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I CAN MOONWALK!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
