soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
