saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
