We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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