seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
