Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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