genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
