apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
